Vanessa

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 16:28:16 GMT

muahahaha im going to school in england man this is so fucking cool and and and something i didnt even think was possible is happening... my fucking mom is paying for it! funk yea : ) which means i dont have to worry my ass off about money once i get there in march and i can spend my money on drugs like i do now , yay!

damn its been awhile...

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 17:03:45 GMT

i hate this plauge of ignorance thats washing over america. im sick of it, sick odf stupidity ruling and washing away the intelligent becasue they get in there way. what makes them think there all mighty political asses are better than us.... we do by letting them tell us right from wrong instead of deciding for ourselves. everyone makes mistakes there is nothign wrong with that its natural but when you make a mistake and dont recongnize it as one and let that mistake change you into a mistake and then on top of that make an even more stupid mistake by making that mistake stronger you are a FUCKING BRAINWASHED CUNT! and i have no sympathy for you whatso ever. the mistake you have brough on your self are rightfully deserved. i strongly believe in survival of the fittest and you are not fit you are a cocky cocksucker with no intellectual value to our society so there for will die by something you created and gave power to but that doesnt give a flying fuck about you. i hope you die in that moment of realization that this is you fucking fault. now while why are dying i am workoing on making for fucking sure this mistake doesnt become more and more powerful by showing the people with brains the truth and not letting them turn there heads this time. if im worng about being able to change im still ok becasue im german and i dont have to put up with it if i dont want but right now im chosing to becasue america is young and i dont wanna see this pathetic of an end and i really dont wanna see the beginning of what could be a new world of plastic that will eventually fall from beneath our feet... all of it.... i will not let that happen..... those of you that are all into punk now... need to understand what the fuck punk is and stop using it as a fashion statment and start represting what it really is ANARCHY becasue that what america need and a whole lot of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so stand up or fucking strip so bush can fuck you even harder!!!!!!!!

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 08:04:09 GMT

hmm yeas toga day... and its raining... blah, at least im not sick anymore. im still looking at schools i got accepted to lauterstein and conway in austin texas. i havent applied to the other ones yet. we have a four day weekend yay! and stupid homecoming... gayness. i hate extra ciricular activities. school organized functions. your mom, yea all of that shit. i dont know what to do with myself im so bored ans so stoned . i need to get a job, hardcore. im broke as anything and moving out soon and thats not good... to moce out broke yay, again i need a job.

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 08:39:15 GMT

i hate being sick i want to rip out my internal organs and throw them at someone i dislike, like my mom. my head hurts from hitting it on so much, my throat hurts its so dry and hoarse, it hurts when i cough, my nose is runny sometimes other its completly stopped up. i couldnt sleep last nigh and the night before because i just cant when i cant breathe through my nose its wierd. i hate walking to the bus stop in the morning cold as anything and sick as shit. i know other people are going to be sick soon becasue iv ebeen smoking people out and sick so yea. im sorry to all of you that will soon besick unless or course your stupid like aaron or rob then im glad your sick muahhahaha!
i went to phv yesterday afterschool and went to marcels house to smoke with whitney jeff jacamo amber jenae and of course marcel. it was ok , i never liek going to phv its gay but we smoked alot and went to the commisary and bought lots of munchies so its all good i guess. angel picked me up with ian since she doesnt have a car and we chilled at her house for awhile smoked more and then eventually i went home around 9. adam came over for a bit, theen i took a bath, grabbed mr. nice ( great book ) and cuddled myself into my cloud of fluffyness and mink. yay. i read for a long time and didnt get to sleep until i got up rubbed eucalyptous on my throat so i could breathe easier and lavender on my pillow to calm my body and put me to sleep i laid back down and within 30 mins was asleep. so getting up at 6:30 with only 2 and a half hours of sleep i thought id die.

Fri, 24 Sep 2004 08:36:35 GMT

im seaching the net for info about massage schools. ive narrowed down my options to austin texas, boulder colorado, and san franciso california. i cant believe im actually going to go to the states but only for a few years to go to school. i want a school that offers advanced aromatherapy and basic massage but its usually the oppisite. i need to get a job so bad i need money realy realy bad. so im making plans to leave sometime after 1st semester maybe sooner id like to drop out about a month before i leave that way i can hang out with all my hommies that are still here. and when i get to the states i want to get a car a visit all my other hommies. i miss them all so much. i have a lot of things i need to do. hmmmm... ive heard so much great stuff about austin and id be close to josh and he wants to transfer there or to liden so wed be even closer. sanfrancisco is the only place ill claim in the states its a nice area with cool as shit ppl and if i moved there ryan has a house to himself and alwayz reminds me that i can stay there anytime i want for as long as i want. rent free ohhh yea. and then there colorado catie is going to massage school there but i was looking at the one shes going to and its good but i found a better one in the area but yea we want to live together and eventually open up a little aromathereay and massge shop... that would be cool as shit : ) and colorado is really really nice, it has great summers at the lake and perfect snowboarding in the mountians : ) that deserves two : ) : ) i think ill be happy in all of the places ive been talking about but its difficult to choose. i have some time to think about it tho but i still need to do more research.
i hate waiting for bud you know that i hate it more than anything in the world except ignorant ppl. i hate it even more when im sober and i was yesterday. i had an appointment for 4 since it didnt work out the day before i had already made plans with so yea he was about an hour late then we go up to some dude house cuz he doenst have anyting on him so dude only has liek 2 bags and he kept the for himslef but smoked a jay with us. we drove around a bit more then we went back to leimen becasue he was going to get some a 7 ish so me and mike went to meet devon and ben who had been waiting since 4 at the kurfaltzcentrum. it started pooring as we started walking. it only got harder. we had told him that wed be back in a few mins so devon went home and ben came with me and mike, more running though rain. he had left where we were suppoesed to be meeting him so after waiting a few mins we went to him house that wasnt far away. his girlfreind answered the door and poked her head out said no and closed it gain . i dont know what no means because i didnt aske her anythign so we just left, more rain. we went and ate yummy yummy doners. then we decided to go to devons it was getting dark and had stopped raining. but i was drenched so at devons he gave me warms cloths and i calld my dude back he appologized and said he would be good at 9 ish so i called back round 9 and he didnt pick up calle dback 30 mins later nothing, 15mins nothign an hour nothing then him phone was off, and it was about 11. we were pondering what to do when i realized i had brough the rest of my coke from panama with me its really not much at all not even a decent line but i too and devon being the devon he is wanted some so i have him alittle bump, i didnt feel it just got a lil numb so after more pondering i decidedto call zac and told him i was stranded in leimen and asked him to pick me and mike up luckily he did and i had a nice warm sober ride home. yay for me. i love zac : ) not really but you know.

Wed, 22 Sep 2004 08:41:02 GMT

so yea slayer is comming to stuttgart with slipknot how awesome is that. tickets are hella expensive but i dont care, im going. this class is so gay all i do i sit on the puter listin to music and watch homestarrunner. i havent done any work at all i dont even know what this class is about... business im asuming since it is business management and all. its cool tho i just know im going to be screwed when she checks on my work or looks at my puter at the wrong time or something. i still havent gotten that acid and i really need to... oh oh maybe for the concert. thatd be crazy i htink i want speed for the concert tho sound more fitting. god im going to get so fucked up but that is the point. i switched out of that gay discrete math shit and retaking geometrey i got out of honors english too and into normal. i have it with whitney now yay! i dont have alt of cool ppl in my classes but then again there arent that many cool ppl left here. hmmm... i need to go over to angels soon ive been meaning to go over there for awhile now and still havent. i need a job sooo bad it insne im sick of depending on my parents for everything ( money ) and they alwayz make such a big deal out of it. jobs suck out here they all suck it all sucks.... grrrrr.... ive been looking at massage schools i found realy great one in austin and some good ones in san francisco and boulder i dont know where i want to go tho they all have somethign i want and a place i want to be with ppl i want to be with, esp texas :) raaa i cant wait til christmas! im so sick of this god damned school!

Sat, 18 Sep 2004 17:26:37 GMT

so yea so german ppl bout to come over and chill for a bit ive hung out with a few of them back inthe day but i just sold one dude a dime, they went to mike to get blacky a very nice bong : ) i didnt call the acid dude i need to soon tho, i keep saying that ... last night went to pats hung out with im chris mike and pix watched old tapes of simpsons and shit liek that .. german dudes are back, peace our

Fri, 17 Sep 2004 07:57:48 GMT

so yea tuesday i skipped school and went to jons to work on his dreads and ended up staying all day ,wed i went to school but got called down the office about me not being in 3rd period so dr. brodie just said i might have detention but she wasnt sure. that night when i can home but dad told me he got a call from the school telling him i was suspended for a day and had to do communtity service.. ahrg! my plans for going to pats to smoke buddhas all day was ruined! so i went to communtity service at 8 picked up trash while driving a golf cart talking to ppl liek vito for a couple mins. i finished phv before 11 so i got an early lunch met up with pat and walked around phv until we found somewhere to smoke a jay we did and he decided he had notthing better to do than to come with me and help since it probably wont be hard anyway.. ha ha when we got there we talked to la rue for awhiel before he told us to clean up all the traskh and empty all the cans in the park by the middle scholl trak field that shit is so fucking sick but we did it all except one can then we missed the 1.51 shuttle and had to wait until 3.51 until the next one came then we saw thumper and alex hung out and managed to get to pats by 5 ish hng out smoked ate yummy food and went home at 10. got up went to the bus stop but the bus got pulled over by the po pos for technical difficulties and wouldnt make it to our stop so here me and adam are at his house smoking bong drinking yummy vanilla soy milk. hmmmm and its friday! i only attended two day of school this week !

Wed, 08 Sep 2004 17:08:02 GMT

day 2 in hell. i hate hhs. my plans on where the hell im going to move to are ever changing and now a good option in my eyes is mving in with cateie when she moves to colorado in mrch... good weather in summer and great snowboarding! yay! no one has said anything to me at school about not being able to have dread but ya never know its only the 2nd day and all. i miss my freinds im so lonely. esp now that were back in school and no one is at the stairs, no one is really down to skip the way i do becasue they actually want to attend classes. i miss my not a care in the world crew. its not that there no one i mean i still chill and hang out like alwayz but its not the same without everyone here. i cant stand it here anymore and everystep i take into that school is a step closer to me getting my ged. i dont hink i want to join the miltary anymore i love my hair to much and i couldnt fught that fucked up war for our fucked up ppl and government. i have mr hatch for street law that makes me very very happy those of you that know mr hatch know what i mean, hes one of the smartest men i know, he used to be a judge teaches 12 grade english and street law liek homestar runner and primus and thinks out side of that box so many americans are crammed into. im happy about that, but still not happy enough. joint break....

Mon, 30 Aug 2004 13:42:43 GMT

ahh damn you!!! you erased my fucking entrey again motherfucker!!!!!!!!!

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 12:19:21 GMT

still in garmisch loving more and more. i started paragliding today, its fucking crazy. it was hard as hell because you have to run with it behind you to get it up and since i was hung over it was pretty hard not to fall on my ass. which i did but not during take off only landing when i tried to do a tight spiral to close to the ground. i went to open mic night the other night, played drums with these cool chic i met here. there were so many awesome musicians at the cure ( wear open mic is held). ive been parting hard out here and im pretty banged up from all the hiking falling and gliding. ill be home sunday night so somebody better have something fun to do monday night.

Tue, 24 Aug 2004 14:06:16 GMT

im in garmisch now having a great time. everone here does the same thing we do back home( sit on our asses and smoke pot) its great. i love it here im thinking about getting a job here, there opening this new hotel here and they need a shit load of new workers. i almost broke my computor before i left home , i wrote this hella long entry about me pat and a couple of other people walking through the woods to pats house in the rain it sucked but yea anyway i looked up and i dunno it just wasnt there anymore. ye ai was pissed as shit. well i have to go over to nicole ( cool chic i meet ) house and do what i do best!!!

Tue, 17 Aug 2004 17:13:46 GMT

bud is at an all time low the only bud ive recently smoked was homegrown. i havent slept the whole night threw since josh left. ive gotten so used to his arms wrapped tightly around me every nigth while i slept that i cant sleep with out it. ive even tried to actually do things so that i might get tired and pass out put that didnt work at all. i went to pats todays and stole pink floyd the wall and some familyguy to keep me entertained tonight since ive cut sleeping out of my schedule. im thinking more and more about joining the military. its turning into my only option. ive alwayz and will alwayz hate the military but whenyour in a position liek i am it could do some good. id be able to travel all over with out having to pay for it, they pay for your education and so far those arwe the only positives ive come up with.

Sun, 15 Aug 2004 12:38:59 GMT

i felt like a girl again yesterday for the first time since 7th grade. sara monique and i lounged around drinking root beer floats watching movies having pillow fights talking and luaghing. i did have fun but that scares me girls are evil there are just some exceptions, dont forget that. i talked to josh yesterday, i dont know if that made it easier or harder on me but i was thrilled to hear his voice. ive decided that i need hobbies now, but there are only so many thing you can do sitting on your ass, maybe ill find some more i can call hobbies.

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 19:04:10 GMT

it hasnt even been a whole day yet and i already feel dead inside, after writing last i laid down in his bed and listined to classical music for awhile before draging my detererating lost self downstairs to sara and adam who were watching fight club. i come to the conclusion that watching movies is a good idea because my mind has to concentrate on the movie and cant wander back to the horrible reality i seem to be living in. so i watched another movie, reseviour dogs, good movie. after that movie i was beckoned home by the bitch herself, my mother, and forced to eat dinner with the 3 fools. after the unbarable hour & 1/2 i was released from my prison and fleed to saftey, joshes house.

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 11:02:30 GMT

ever since i was forced to let go of him and let me leave me here all alone, my heart has been detererating,pouring out my eye sockets liek water. soon ( the sooner the better ) my heart will mearly fill the empty space in my chest with its left over tissue. i know all of you know what its like to loose some one but josh was something differnt to me. ever since we became friends there has been something unbreakable there, then our relationship evolved along with my love for him and the hole that i never new existed in my heart slowly began to fill. he made me who i am today, looking into his eyes reflected a mirror on myself that made me see the things i would hide deep in the depths of my mind. i stopped being someone i wasnt happy with and i started being me. josh has been there fore me through so much sometimes i dont know how he could stand it. now after so long i finally felt complete , then he left.

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 09:46:54 GMT

josh, ( my other half ) leaves tomaorrow and i honestly dont kno what the hell im going to do with my life after he gets on that plane.we have been parting nonstop for the last week on more and its been great but everything is happening so fast.ive had countless unbarable goodbyes, but not liek this. i lost a piece of me inside him and i dont want it back becasue a piece of him is filling the emptiness inside me. were just not supposed to be seperated. i will depart on this note since suite pea just camre on and its not that easy to head bang and type.

Sat, 07 Aug 2004 14:51:56 GMT

hmmm where oh where to start? ahh ha ! the begining.... last lonely night josh alex mike and i ventured off into the unknown ( heidelberg). leaving everything behind, only a jay rolled snug in my pocket( my cell phone and wallet are alwayz on me ) and my hat now fitted to my head ( after leaving it at alexs last year it was finally returned to me ). we rode bikes to rot malsh trainstation and were on our way we meet vito and thumper at the river, hung out for awhile, watched vito mack on german chicks and then started our jouney to phv , we rode our bikes arent we cool! on phv i discoved the new edition to the worst edition to our base, the new bar under fridays, even tho they werent carding i found my self in the shopeette buying forties instead : ) and so the night went on me and my forty chilled back and relaxin enjoing the late night breeze with thumper finney some new guy and alex ( everyone else had already gone to mikes which is were i was soon to be going )not long after at mikes we popped in hell boy and i passed out. the end